My Friend's Leaving

So.... the devil has been trying to attack me the past few days and I thought I'd share what has come out of it. 

I'll start from the beginning. Last week I was given some new that one of my closest friends (who is more like family) is moving away. And not just to the next suburb, but almost 6 hours away. It could be worse, it could be to another country but knowing that they are not going to be right there is difficult. I was okay for the first few days when I thought I had another 4 months to get used to the idea that she's leaving, but then her plans changed, something came up and she is now moving in about 6 weeks. It suddenly hit me when I realised how little time I had with her still here, and if I was honest I'm pretty sure I could have filled a bucket more than once with the amount of tears that I've cried over it. But that's not how the devil is attacking me. A friend moving is not an attack from the devil, that is simply my friend responding to God's plan and wishes, and I'm excited for her at the same time as being sad that she is leaving. 

The attack came from the devil as I sat on my own thinking about her leaving, and then going back in my past and realising that I have lost all of my greatest friends. There are no friends of my own age, I have in my life that I have remained close with for more than 4 years, and it has been that way my whole life. I hear stories of people who have been best friends since primary school. I remember I had two great friends through primary school. One who lived next door to me for a while, but somehow we drifted apart, the other I went to a different high school and then our friendship was just never the same after that. Through high school I had one great friend at one point, and we also danced together out of school. But I had to change schools after 18 months and she left dancing not long after and again, we drifted apart. I don't keep in touch with anyone from school, and those that I danced with all drifted away as well. 

I hear stories of how people often don't find their true friends until they leave school. I had a great bunch of friends at one point. One always said to me she would always be there, but soon enough she began to despise me for reasons I still don't know and she stopped wanting anything to do with me, taking a couple of other good friends with her. I'm not sure what happened, and I doubt I'll ever know. Then there was another friend that I was great friends with for a few years, and then she decided to move to the country 6 hours away. We are still good friends, but we are not close and don't talk often. Now, I have this other friend leaving. So this was where the devil attacked. I started feeling like it was my fault, that I wasn't a good person, that I'm driving them away, that I'm not a good enough friend to them. I had all sorts of lies going through my head, which was possibly the reason for all the tears.

It's crazy to think that the reason for all of that was me. As a Christian, I believe that we each have a purpose and that is the reason for all that has happened, and why people have moved away. The last friend that moved to the country and this friend that is moving up the coast are following God's plan for the their lives. They have fulfilled their purpose here and it's time they moved on. Allowing myself to believe the things the devil had been saying to me was putting myself in the centre, rather than God. It is still difficult to say goodbye and I imagine there will be a number of moments over the next few weeks where I'll notice something that I'm going to miss. Like tonight, as I was showing her a dance I had choreographed, I realised that this could be the last dance I'll have her input on. In the months after she's left I know there will be times where I will miss her presence, but I can't let the devil start to take over my mind. I need to remember God's plan and purpose. Who knows what He has in store for me in the coming years. It could be me leaving next time. I've done it once, when I left my home town. (I now know how hard it must have been for my family to see me go) So over the coming months, I'm going to have to continually remind myself that it's not about me, as soon as I start thinking it is, it gives the devil an open freeway into my life and I don't want him bringing any negativity or horrible thoughts in. 

As I sat in tears last night I heard God speak to me, he simply said "This is not your fault". That's all I needed to hear and I knew that I had allowed the devil into my head. I do not need this friend to hold my life together and to walk me through life because I have the Holy Spirit to do that. And really, it's not the end of the world. I can easily visit during holidays, and speak to her on the phone and online.

 Thankful for: Communication

After talking about that, Im thankful that there are a number of ways to communicate these days. Online, phones, letters, and in person... without communication there are a number of people I would not be able to talk to.