Personal Struggles & Questions

I feel like I need to have another moment of honesty, where I need to share something I am currently struggling with. I'm not sure if I have mentioned it at all before. 

So I was sitting quietly thinking today about a whole heap of things but then one thing struck me, which has to do with my singleness. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I don't have a problem with being single. I love that God is still working with me, He's still shaping me to be the woman of God that my future husband needs me to be. And I know in His timing, everything will work out. But the one thing that I struggle with is the occassional thought in my head about a particular person. 

So, I have a friend who is a great man of God and fellow worshiper. I feel like God has said to me that he is going to play a big part in my life, but this really could mean anything. The thing that I then start to wonder is... 'Is that really God trying to tell me something, or is it just me thinking this way because I want it to be true?'. I don't know. All I've done up til now is kept praying about it, but I'm never 100% sure. A part of me can accept that it comes from God, but there is a part of me that does not believe it. So if it does come from God, does my doubt then hinder His plans. Am I holding back from something that I should be doing? And if it is just my head and I do something, am I then going to faceplant into something I shouldn't? It's a difficult thing to navigate really. I don't want to find myself getting caught up in something that is not meant for me.

I wish I could say that when I know 100% when it's God... but it's something I'm still learning. So today, as I sat quietly thinking about all of this I asked God. "How do I know if it's you? How can I be sure it's not me?". He simply told me to ask someone else for a Word from Him on the situation without telling them what it was and He will confirm through them. So I did... I remembered that a friend of mine had told me she had a word for me, but we never got around to discussing it. 

This was what she told me... "There's a handbrake on in my life, and I need to press in, release it and let go. Then driving will become easier and wont wear on my wheels". I'm still trying to decipher exactly what is meant by that. I'm not sure it really confirmed anything that I was looking for but if that is the word God had for me then I know that it means something, and I will continue to pray. It's possible that when I release this hand brake in one part of my life the rest will fall into place, and the things that I question will make sense. But I need to discover what that handbrake is!

Thankful for: Forgiveness

Have you ever tried to live a life without forgiveness. I have! And it's not pretty. Things get messed up pretty badly. So I'm thankful that I am able to forgive. But bigger than that, I'm thankful for the forgiveness of my Father. If He had not forgiven us, we would be spending eternity in hell, and that is not something I would look forward to. Instead we can look forward to eternity in heaven.